I have a confession to make
“Let’s face it..” is something you might most likely say. But I refrain from saying that, because ‘let’s face it’seems more like an order than a suggestion, forcing one to swallow whatever you feed them.
So let’s not turn our backs to it, do whatever you wish with this, doubtless you might never read this, either out of spite or out of sheer ignorance.
I don’t know what kept us apart. We’re not really friends, or maybe we are, but I don’t really know. This whole reliance and trust thing was never exactly my forte. I don’t know why people trust me. I don’t know why people talk to me and tell me things. I can’t ease anyone’s burden. I can’t provide magical solutions. I am, after all, not much of a help. Too weird, too carefree, too emotional or too tactless. Either one of them is something you might say. Maybe I take things too seriously, but it could be possible that you take things too lightly.
We tried. I know. We tried building bridges, crossing them. Yet every time. Every single time when we manage to close the gap between us, we cut our own rope.
You do, as I told you many times before, annoy me. Very much so. Because I am too dramatic or too touchy, or you’re too tactless and insecure, but refusing to admit it.
Yet why do we simply refuse to talk to each other? The urge is there, but when we think of trying, we keep misintepreting each other. An open door as a shove in the face. A sincere attempt as a feeble excuse.
Was it the fact that we both went too far?
Now hear this.
I have a confession to make.
We can chat but we simply cannot talk. You may say that we are talking about nothing, but when we do talk about something, it never fails to go awry. Menial things, like stupid animes or serious things like your severely negative attitude towards your life. Either way, I’ll still get irritated.
But I will always remain patient. It’s not because you need my help, but I need your help as well. I need to be more empathic.
Ever wondered why empathic sounds like pathetic?
Even if things might never go well again. We will never talk again or all the other super dramatic nonsense. You must remember.
The real part of my confession is this.
You do have a charming smile.
So stop moping already.
—————–
There was a person driving to school behind me who had a smile like you.
I just remembered.
So:
“Smile~! ^^..” -TTN
What? I don’t know what else to say. XD
Threnody | Comment (0)Me against..some things.
Crumpling my certificate came to me when I was flipping through my certificate of achievements and etc while filling up my testimonial sheet.
I really did…rosakkan my Form 5 cert.
But it’s pink so who cares.
And flipping through my cert made me notice some things.
#1
I’ve been a prefect ever since form 1 to form 5. (I never wore normal pinafores more than 3 days during the beginning of every year in school) Which means that I’ve been wearing long-sleeve shirts since…well, since secondary school.
It’s the reason why I’m wearing a baju kurung. Short sleeves are just so weird for me as school uniform.
#2
I never got my co-curricular marks as the president of the computer club, only 3 for ahli biasa.
That sucks. I knew I never got my marks for that after mimi complained, but really looking at it. I had 7 marks eaten away from me thanks to the lousy co-curricular admin in my old school.
#3
I’m better at language than at anything else.
#4
I can’t seem to find my National Service certificate. =D
Now results…
I really don’t favour the system of education.
I can’t choose what subjects I want to take. (I’d take Physics, Chemistry, Biology, General Studies and Literature if I could. [though I doubt my ability to handle it]) And my future is really actually determined by how well I do in exams, not how well I do in school, or life, or as a human being.
Sure there are some subjects that teach you a bit about life but seriously. Nothing really prepares us to be independent, teach us how to lead, (save holding special imperious posts, like being a prefect or stuff like that) teach us manners or creative thinking and other things.
No physical education in form 6 kinda sucks as well.
It’d be nice to play some crazy games with my classmates, get whooped by the volleyball, falling down and then hobbling to the sick bay looking for those antiseptic solutions that really sting when you wipe them on your wounds.
Those are good times.
What the heck is with answer schemes anyway? For subjective questions, yes but…essays? Essay points should be marked based on whether the point is logical, suitable and supported by other facts or explanations.
But nooooo, to make jobs easier, to make Malaysian students have more linear thinking, to make sure they don’t provide revolutionary ideas, our essays are marked by answer schemes. Your point, no matter how sound, if it’s not in the scheme, it’s wrong.
tadaa.
I get lousy marks for essays, just so you know.
._.
I’m not a good student.
But I don’t think out education system is better than me either
[scoffs]
fragments of who I am | Comments (2)I’ve been blog-dead for some while…
Facebook dead as well.
And also neglecting my duties for another blog.
Animated Psycho Gigis
Don’t ask.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)books, books
Strange how my choice of reading changes somewhat dramatically. Gone were the days I found R.L. Stine, Christopher Pike and J.K. Rowling intriguing.
Okay, so I lied. I never really liked Harry Potter. Curiosity leads you to do silly things. Like complete your Harry Potter collection because you bought the second and third book on a two for one deal, the first book because the second and third book made no sense, and the rest your parents just simply insist that you must get it.
No, not after yawning at David Edding’s ’shounen’ style plotting. Christopher Pike now seems so…boring. (I apologize to the fans. His style of writing seems so…simple now.
Books that might have changed my choice of literature?
Mommy’s Day by Max Allan Collins. The book that spawned my taste for gruesome stuff and sarcasm.
Lord of The Flies by William Golding. It just did(change). I was somewhat weird before I read the book. Weirder after I read it.
Oscar Wilde’s works. His wit is engaging. I tell you. =3 Hence I have no regrets for taking up Literature in English.
Everything is Illuminated/ Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. Melodramatic in its way. Can’t really explain what it does to people. One should read it to find out. Though I suggest the second book.
These books. =_=
Well. In truth. Many many things change people. Time, life, neighbours with karaoke sets but really good baking skills (blueberry cheese tarts O_O)
We change everyday.
Don’t you?
Unless if you wear the same set of clothes for a few days, then maybe you don’t change everyday.
XD
But I’m still trying to find a way to get a psp and a graphic tablet. Geez. But to choose between two of them…
Zack Fair or drawing?
[ponders]
Sorry Zack. ;_;
Some things just never change.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)Reasons why I need a PSP
#1 Crisis Core
#2 Patapon
#3 patapatapatapon
#4 chakachakapatapon
#5 [gets hit by random flying object thrown by annoyed reader]
#6 gaming needs
#7 isn’t six reasons good enough?
patapon is addictive. do not go to site if you’re not willing to risk your sanity for it.
Uncategorized | Comment (0)
happy abandon
words leave you faster than you can say them.
though sometimes they just won’t come back.
we sit
my legs swinging beneath me
and we spin a yarn of things without meaning
it grows longer
and it doesn’t help
one felt the comfort of being freed from guilt.
being forgiven
I, however. beg to differ.
it’s not about what we say
or how much we say it
it’s about what we do
I cant help being muted
Threnody | Comment (0)chulan is bored
LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
this is gonna be hard…havent bothered checking with my wishes for some time
1) fascinating pinwheels i dunno…this looks cool despite not being a pinwheel.
2) a Baldwin vertical piano would be nice. whether i can play it or not. ;P
3) a house to put my stuffs and that piano. [and that i live alone. that'd be nice]
4) time
5) a new computer maybe…but i think i’d rather have roller-blades…or maybe a bicycle…or a motorbike…nah. new blades are cooler.
THE PERSON WHO TAGG-ED YOU IS: Chula(n)-long-corn/ Therasaurus
YOUR 5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM/HER
1) who’s this huge person with that English weh? (thus Therasaurus [dinosaurs with thesauruses for brains]), the nickname, is born)
2) master of psychological torture when giving those ‘you can do it’ speeches for sports. (im not good in sports k? netball maybe.)
3) not someone to ask for advice in poetic meanings ~\( >_<)\
4) seems lonely…for some reason
5) scares people with his english
THE MOST MEMORABLE WORDS HE/SHE SAID TO YOU:
He…never said anything memorable. =D
Tho he gives a lot of moral support to pinhorn. [but i still sucked, so oh well]
IF HE/SHE BECOMES YOUR LOVER, YOU WILL
I don’t think that’s possible, is it?
i take things as they come.(which is why i dont usually see things coming…) so i don’t know.
But it would be scary…yeah
IF HE/SHE BECOMES YOUR ENEMY, THE REASON WILL BE:
he went over ‘the line’ and never apologized(if he is aware of the ‘over the line’ness or i freaked at him for the going over the lineness)
PASS THE QUIZ TO 10 PEOPLE
I HAVE NO 10 PPL!!!
1. Tan Kit Kat (Kin kiat, kk, kinkaede, ah john etc) [met you once wif miho nia sumore can say so many nicknames...geng leh?]
2. Choonxuan
3. jat?
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
[cant answer these =D]
WHO IS NO. 7 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH?
WHO IS NO. 9 HAVING RELATIONSHIP WITH ?
IF NO.9 AND NO.1 ARE TOGETHER, WILL IT BE A GOOD THING?-
WHAT ABOUT NO. 1 AND NO. 5?-
WHAT IS NO. 3 STUDYING?-
animehshiyon
WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU CHATTED WITH NO. 6?-
DOES NO. 4 WORK?
DOES NO. 8 HAS ANY COUSIN IN HIS/HER OWN SCHOOL?-
WILL YOU WOO NO. 8
HOW ABOUT NO. 5?-
DOES NO. 2 HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?-
HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW ABOUT NO.3 AND NO.4?-
WHERE DOES NO.1 LIVE AT?
HOW DID YOU GET TO KNOW NO.1?
IS NO.5 THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD?
Uncategorized | Comment (1)XD
im posting this here as a reminder
srsly
im too lazy to post it somewhere else.
[im using my laptop fyi]
Uncategorized | Comment (0)